Edge of Oblivion
by kidneythieves
Summary: Dean's nightmares torment him. He dreams of killing Cas. But his next nightmare is different, this Cas seems all too real. **Inspired from "The Man Who Would Be King" episode. Dean/Cas slash, sexually graphic.
1. Chapter 1

**Edge of Oblivion**

He woke with a vicious jolt. Heart hammering so badly, he placed his hand over it as though to make sure it hadn't exploded from his chest. Dean took a long, deep breath. It had been two weeks now and the nightmare was the same. Every night, like some horrible record that kept repeating. Drilling a hole into his soul and tearing him apart from the inside out. He couldn't take this anymore.

Dean got up from the cot in Bobby's study and walked over to the near empty whiskey bottle. He drained the remaining bottle down to the last drop. The burn seeped into his throat. He needed that. He needed to feel something other than loss. Other than the anguish of losing his friend. Castiel's face haunted him. Every time he closed his eyes, he was there. Those brilliant blue eyes, vibrant and beautiful. It had been two weeks since they talked. Right there, in Bobby's house.

Cas said things that shook Dean to his core. Things that actually scared him. Because in that moment with Cas, Dean had realized he might have to kill him. He would have to shove a dagger through his heart in order to stop him. A sickness came over him, nearly crippling him when Cas vanished that night. He never experienced that before. The only word he could think of to describe it was- heartache.

Cas had broken his heart as if Dean was the girl he took to prom and then dumped the next day. They had been through Hell and back together and this was how their partnership- their friendship ended? He couldn't believe that, not at first. But as the days went on and the hours grew shorter, he realized that it was it. Cas wasn't coming back.

Dean feared that the next time he saw his angel, he would have to stab him through the heart. That's when the nightmares started. Each night was the same. He fell into a reluctant sleep, knowing what awaited him. Cas.

They were in the beautiful room in Van Ayes, California. It was like it always was, clean and immaculate. Dean was there, alone at first. The only weapon he had on him was an angel killing dagger. The same one he used to bring down Zachariah, that son-of-a-bitch that nearly killed him a year ago. But it wasn't Zachariah that appeared in the room with Dean- it was Cas. Always Cas.

The fluttering of angel wings would bring his gaze upwards to his angel. Castiel titled his head from across the room, his bright blue eyes fixed on him as he surveyed the weapon in his hand. His impenetrable face, passive and unreadable. Then, without warning, Cas attacked. They fought, usually with Dean ending up pressed against the wall, helpless and defeated. Cas out powered him. He even told Dean that he didn't stand a chance against him that night.

The hatred and intensity that burned in the eyes of his angel frightened him. He knew Cas would kill him. And he would do it so easily.

Dean would cry out to him, desperately trying to bring his friend back from this emotionless being. He would beg, plea… anything to break through that wall Cas had built to shut him out. He even told him the truth… through tears and the pain of his breaking heart, Dean would always tell Cas what he had felt from him since the beginning, 'Cas… I love you'.

But it didn't matter. Cas was gone. And once Dean finally realized this in the dream, the blade would magically appear in his hand, as if conquered up for him in that critical moment of life or death. Gripping the blade tightly, he would then stab Castiel through the heart. The blinding white life of Cas would shine throughout the room, paralyzing him against the wall as he watched his friend die.

And always, in that moment of Cas's downfall, their eyes would lock one last time. The Cas that he knew, trusted and most of all loved, would appear then. His eyes softening, his expression sad and lost as his light flickered from his vessel's body and he died… his black wings scorching the ground in one final taunt against Dean.

That's when the nightmare would end, bringing Dean to his knees in utter loss and desperation. The burn of the whiskey wasn't enough to cause the tears that now stung his eyes. Dean wiped them away passively, pretending they weren't there. Just like he usually did.

He walked back to the cot, tossing the empty bottle in the trash and succumbing to yet another sleepless night or another dark, twisted nightmare.

Dean awoke in the room. The same room, the beautiful angel room. He sighed and felt the angel dagger in the palm of his hand. He glanced down at it, the metallic steel of it glinting up at him, mockingly.

"Dean…"

He glanced up to see Cas, dressed in his usual trench coat, suit and blue tie. The same color tie that seemed to match his gorgeous eyes. Dean sighed, knowing they were about to battle. He didn't want to, not again, but he knew it had to happen. It always did. Just like when he was in Hell. Another victim, another soul to torture. Except this time, it was Dean's soul being tortured and by his own dreams.

"C'mon Cas, I don't got all night. Let's do this and get it over with," Dean muttered, drawing the blade out in front of him, his stance sure and strong.

Cas's eyes flickered curiously over the blade and back to Dean. "I don't understand…"

"Shut-up and attack me, Cas. We've been dancing like this for two weeks now, don't go changin' it up on me. I've gotten pretty good at killin' you." Dean spat out.

"This is what you dream about?" Cas asked, hurt reflecting in his eyes. "Killing me?"

Dean hesitated, realizing that he was talking to Cas in his dream. He never talked to Cas in his nightmares, they always just fought. "Well, yeah. We throw down and I end up killing you."

Cas's head titled back as if he had just been sucker punched underneath his jaw. "I did not know you wished me dead, Dean."

"I don't," Dean answered honestly. "It's how the nightmare plays out."

A light of understanding dawned on Cas's stoic face. "A nightmare?"

Dean began relaxing his stance, realizing _this_ nightmare was different. Though it didn't mean it couldn't go from bad to good in less than a nanosecond, so he cautioned himself. Besides, it was just another dream. He knew this now. "I don't enjoy killing you, Cas. Not in these nightmares- not ever." Dean heard his voice crack as he whispered, "I love you."

The version of Cas standing before him stared at him now in shock. Dean wasn't expecting that. His dagger wavered slightly and he lowered it, this was just another nightmare, he reassured himself. This wasn't his Cas- it never was _his_ Cas.

"You love me?" Cas asked softly, seeming utterly confused.

"Not you," Dean clarified in a dangerously low voice. "I love the Cas that I knew. The one that pulled me outta Hell, saved my life countless times and the world with me. That's the angel I fell in love with." Dean felt the pain of his loss grip him again, almost bringing him to his knees. But he didn't waver. He had to be strong, no matter how hard it was. "Not you, not the one who wants me dead."

Cas stepped forward, moving closer to him but not attacking. Dean gripped the handle of the blade and held it before him, ready to strike, ready to throw down if he had to.

"Dean… I'm the one who rose you from Perdition and saved you. This is a dream- I came here to speak with you. I couldn't find you outside, in the world." Cas explained, his voice husky and sincere. "I want to talk…"

"What?" Dean asked, stepping backwards, but coming up short when his back reached the wall of the room. Was this really Cas? Or just another nightmare-ish version of his angel, taunting him? "How do I know it's really you? And not some sick version I made up of you in here?"

A shuddering breath wracked Cas's body, but he began to speak in his low, unearthly voice. "I last spoke to you at Bobby Singer's home, in his study. You said I had become part of your family…" he trailed off, as if he too were recalling a painful memory.

Dean suddenly gasped for breath, realizing he had been holding it. His fingers felt numb around the blade within his grip. Dean knew he could never really kill Cas- not his angel, not the one he'd fallen in love with.

"Cas…?" he asked weakly. "Is it really you?"

"Yes." Cas paused, stepping closer, his hand reaching out to stroke the side of Dean's cheek. Dean felt his whole body respond with that simple touch. It was if Cas had lit a match to the smoldering embers that simmered beneath the surface for far too long between them and ignited it. Dean shuddered and pushed his face into his hand.

"You must hate me," Cas said with haunted eyes.

Dean turned his face from his palm, "I don't hate you, Cas." He whispered gruffly, his emotions starting to compromise him.

After a moment, Cas asked, "Did you mean what you said eariler, Dean?" His voice so low and guttural, Dean shivered.

"What, Cas?"

"That you love me?" He asked with such desperation and need, that Dean felt his heart shatter. He loved him and yet they were about to pull the whole world down around them. But in this precious moment, that didn't matter anymore. What mattered, was the feelings stirring inside him with such fury, he needed to release.

"Yes, God – yes, Cas. I love you so bad it hurts," he whispered and pushed himself onto the angel, heart hammering in his chest, mind wild with possibilities and body reaching out with blatant desire. He sought Cas's full, lush lips within his own and devoured him. He whimpered, feeling the warm heat of the man he had craved for more than a year now and finally being able to taste him.

Cas pulled away, shoving him into the wall behind him. "Wait… Dean, we can't."

Dean trembled beneath his strength. "I don't care anymore, Cas." He said desperately. "All I want is you… it's all I ever wanted. I'm done fighting this. I'm just done." He let the helplessness of his emotions clog his words as he spoke only the truth to the real Cas before him.

Cas's eyes grew somber as he studied his face, his lips only a breath apart. Dean felt his heart race and pulse pound. The anticipation and hope of Cas giving in and giving him what he needed, which was him, was overwhelming. But he resisted the urge to reach out and take again. Cas had to want this too. He had to want him. Love or not, it didn't matter to him.

"Take me and do what you will, Cas." His eyes roamed over the beautiful features of his angel. His dark, windswept hair that Dean found himself aching to run his hands through. His luscious lips and tantalizing soft skin, but most of all, Cas's amazingly bright blue eyes. Dean felt his fingers itch to bury them through his hair as he rasped out, "kill me if you want…"

Something within Cas must have snapped. Dean watched in awe as Cas's usually knowing and hard features changed to uncertainty, pain, anger and then… hunger. His heart soared. Cas wanted him. The passion in his eyes were undeniable.

"Cas…" he pleaded, "Kiss me, please."

Cas succumbed and tentatively moved in and captured his aching lips. It was soft and unsure. He let Cas discover him, slowly, tenderly. He melted against him, sliding from the wall and into the powerful angel. Cas took him more greedily now, feeling his resistance slip away. Dean wanted to hold him and cherish him. He wanted to revel in the man who had his whole heart.

The kiss suddenly became heated. Happiness and hope bled into his desire seamlessly as he plundered Cas's mouth, especially when he opened to his kiss. Dean needed to touch him, taste him and remind himself of everything they once had, the beauty and strength of their friendship. He finally let his hand rush through his soft, messy hair and grip the back of his neck, pivoting his lips in a different angle to capture more of Cas's willing mouth.

He heard Cas whimper and felt him tremble beneath his embrace, which sent a shudder of excitement coursing through him, wanting to hear his angel weak with the desire he felt.

But Dean needed a large bed for that. One in which he could lay Cas down and slowly, gently make love to until Cas was trembling for release. Suddenly the room shifted around them. Cas broke from the kiss, startled. Dean, dazed from their marathon kiss, watched the room shift into a bedroom. He smirked, feeling his manhood start to burn between his legs. The bed was exactly like he imagined, big and comfy. Perfect for some angel cake.

Hungrily, he grabbed Cas's face and turned him into another scorching kiss, taking and taking. Cas blindly let Dean push him backwards towards the bed. Together, hands frantic over each other's bodies, they began stripping their clothes. Dean chuckled when Cas impatiently tore his shirt off, shredding it to pieces. He quickly unbuckled his belt and jeans, Cas doing the same with his suit. After a moment of hard panting and the sound of rustling clothes, they stood naked before each other. Dean reached out instantly, grabbing his angel and pulling him in his embrace. Cas's body was hard and lean from head to toe. He radiated strength and power. Dean wanted to taste that.

They fell backwards onto the bed, their legs tangling and bodies sliding on top of each other. Dean arched his back when he felt Cas's hard cock brush against his stomach. The building tension that surrounded his manhood now throbbed almost painfully. His jaw flexed as buried his face into Cas's neck, biting down on his skin and jerking his hips forward, their cocks touching and branding each other. Cas gasped, gripping Dean's shoulders, rocking himself forward mindlessly. Clutching onto each other, they both pushed into the warmth of their bodies, panting, straining and moaning.

Unable to bear it any longer, Dean flipped Cas onto his back, running his hand over his unscarred chest and down to his groin. He watched in amazement as Cas bit his lower lip, his beautiful eyes shutting tightly, burying his head into the pillow as he pushed his cock forward into Dean. He felt a smile tug at his lips as he taunted Cas, touching his thighs, brushing his knuckles over his thick shaft, but never quiet grasping him. Cas's eyes finally shot open, desperate. "Dean…" he hissed out, arching his back hopelessly.

Dean licked his lips and took his lips, slowly and thoroughly kissing the hell outta him. He waited until Cas writhed uncontrollably beneath him before finally taking hold of his hard cock and stroking him. He listened to the sweet sounds of Cas, crying out his name against his lips as his hips bucked forward. Dean stroked the length of him, over and over until Cas stood on the edge of oblivion with him. Hearing Cas moan and seeing him hungry and needy for him made Dean's own cock become unbearably hard, sending his blood into full roar.

He gritted his teeth and decided he had enough foreplay. He needed to feel all of Cas.

He lowered himself under him, shifting his leg up and positioning himself on top. Cas let him, as Dean continued to toy with his cock, pressing the length of him into his palm roughly. He didn't want to hurt Cas and this might be rough for the angel, especially with Dean's cock brimming so hard with love. He really needed some lube, he thought dully and suddenly it was right in his hand and he almost laughed in shock. He quickly rubbed it over the length of his shaft, nearly causing his undoing since he was so close to release. His hips even pumped forward, making him grit down.

Finally, Dean was ready and looked over his angel. He breathed out a hiss when their eyes locked. Damn, he thought, his heart expanding painfully in his chest, he loved him. He bent and kissed him, putting everything he had in the kiss. Cas responded instantly, gripping the back of his neck, pushing his tongue into his mouth. Dean whimpered, loving the feel of Cas taking control as they devoured each other. Unable to stop himself, Dean pushed forward and into him. Cas jerked in pain at first. But Dean continued to kiss him, afraid if he stopped now, he would shatter.

He pushed further until Cas let out a surprised gasp, his lips stilling on Dean's.

Heart in his throat, Dean paused, "Are you okay?"

"No… you keep stopping…" Cas rasped out.

That was all Dean needed to hear as he nearly laughed in utter happiness but instead he drove into him. Cas cried out his name as Dean pumped into him madly. He pushed harder and faster with each thrust, wanting to reach oblivion with his angel wrapped in his arms. The hot tension built, becoming a delicious pressure at the tip of his cock. He pounded harder, Cas gripping ferociously to him, moaning wantonly. Cas felt perfect. So tight and hot. He closed his eyes, letting himself become engulfed in the flames of their passion. He had wanted this for so long… he had wanted Cas just like this, moaning his name, trembling beneath him…

The heat surged inside him until he feared he wouldn't last another minute. Cas suddenly shattered between them, the warmth of his explosion and the spasms of his body was so beautiful that Dean could not hold back any longer. With one last deep thrust, he spilled inside of him, uttering a cry of purest joy.

"Cas…" he croaked out, falling on top of him, spent.

Cas still shook from the aftermath of their lovemaking. "I've never felt that before…" he whispered.

Dean felt a tug of a smile on his lips as he kissed the side of Cas's warm neck. His lips touching the pounding pulse within. Cas was his now. From now on until forever.

After a few moments, Dean pulled out and rolled to the side. He had just touched Heaven, he thought in awe. This was his Heaven. The nightmares of the past few weeks had faded away. Nothing mattered expect what lay besides him. He glanced over to Cas and saw the angel staring at him, curious.

"What are you thinking?" Cas asked, his hand stroking the top of Dean's chest.

Dean felt a sudden sadness tug at his heart strings. As much as he wanted this moment to last forever, he knew that this was still just a dream and when he woke up, Cas wouldn't be there. Cas would be with Crowley, hunting for souls and fighting a war in Heaven with them. Cas worked with a demon now and that hurt more than words could describe to Dean.

"That loving you was never a blessing…" Dean said honestly, wanting him to know how much pain he felt at his betrayal. He didn't want to fight. He didn't want to go to war with his angel. Not Cas- never. It was too difficult to imagine.

"It was for me," Cas replied, his eyes darkening.

"Was?" Dean breathed out.

Cas moved forward, sitting up to look down on him. His expression reflecting the same hurt he felt. "After that night, Dean… I thought…" he looked away, his hand fisting into his chest.

Dean grabbed his hand and sat up, gazing into him. "That doesn't matter, Cas. If what we had here makes any difference- then just stop. Do it for me." He could only hope that Cas made the right decision now, that what they shared would make him realize that he was about to throw away something special. Cas knew the truth now. He knew that he loved him. So it was up to him to decide if this had a happy ending. Or if he would force Dean into something that would be painful for both of them that it would have to end bloody.

Cas's blue eyes locked with his, his words deafening. "I can't Dean."

"Don't say that, Cas." Dean growled.

"You know I can't stop, it's too late." Cas pulled his hand free from his and turned away.

Dean refused to let give him up without a fight. He grabbed Cas around the waist with a steel arm, trapping his body against his. He breathed into his neck as he hissed out, "Why can't loving you be enough, Cas?"

He felt the angel shudder underneath his arm and suddenly, without a word Cas vanished.

Dean's arm fell away to nothing. His heart wrenched devastatingly in his chest. Suddenly the room shook violently all around him and darkness descended on Dean.

He woke with another hard jolt. Dazed, he sat up on the cot, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He glanced around the empty room, the morning light barely filling the dark corners.

A sudden surge of overwhelming sorrow gripped his insides. Dean groaned into his hands as he buried his face into them, wishing he had done more, wishing Cas had choose him and not the war. After what they shared in the dream, Cas still denied him. He felt the tears burn behind his eyes. His body wracked out a sob. Damnit, Cas, he thought furiously. Why did he still love that feathery winged idiot, after what he just did?

If anything, Dean wondered if this dream, finally getting his night with Cas, had really been a nightmare after all.

* * *

><p><strong>**I wrote this after watching the episode "The Man Who Would Be King". There was soooo much sexual subtext that i had to write something! Hope you enjoyed my tormentedanguished Dean/Cas love story. I don't usually like writing these kinds of love stories- the emo kind- but after that episode i had to write! I just couldn't wait for the next episode. BTW - Cas is not allowed to go darkside. I refuse to even accept that. Plz comment & review! Shout out to all my Supernatural fanfiction friends out there- hope u guyz liked this one!**

**~luv kidneythieves **


	2. Ch 2: Ascent

**Chapter 2: Ascent **

Cas couldn't take his eyes from him. Last night changed everything between them, yet… not the impending battle. The war still raged on up above. Soon Castiel would have to fight against Raphael in Heaven, with only the demon Crowley by his side. Cas cast his eyes downward, unable to look at Dean Winchester, feeling the shame of the choices that he had made this past year. Castiel made his choice to continue on even after Dean's protest against it. He had to stay in this fight, without the consent of his friend and ally.

Invisible to the hunter, Cas watched from a few feet away as Dean fixed the Impala outside a motel. The afternoon sunlight beat down on his back as he maneuvered under the hood of the car, tinkering with oil greased hands. Cas's eyes fixated on those hands now. Images of the night they shared in Dean's dream flashed before him. Picturing those hands sliding up and down the contours of Cas's trembling body as Dean's calloused palms and fingers bit into his flesh, capturing his manhood and sending him spiraling towards pure ecstasy and absolute pleasure. Just visualizing their night together, sent new shivers racing through him. He wished his body would stop doing that. But with Dean so near, it seemed unavoidable to repress those sensations.

A loud rock song suddenly blared to life in Dean's pocket. Castiel watched as the hunter cursed, head still buried deep beneath the hood, as he snagged a greasy towel he had been using to wipe his hands. He hurriedly toweled off before reaching into his pocket and removing his cell phone. Cas caught a glimpse of the name on the screen, 'Sam'.

"Hey," Dean answered in his usual gruff undertones. Cas stepped forward and using his angelic abilities listened in on their conversation.

"Hey," Sam began, "Where are you?"

Dean glanced around at the parking lot of the motel he was staying at. "I'm half a day away right now. But I'll get there as soon as I can." He glared hotly now that the car, "I'm just having a disagreement with my baby right now."

Sam chuckled knowingly over the phone, "All right. It's cool. We just got back too."

"What'd you find?"

Cas's interest peaked, listening closely. He knew the Winchester's were supreme hunters and if they wanted to track something down, anything, they would find it. It was only a matter of time before they found Crowley. Cas hoped that the war would be over in Heaven and that Raphael's death came soon before the Winchesters discovered his location. Except, Cas feared because of his weak and compromising emotions for Dean Winchester that the hunters had an advantage over him. He just wondered if Dean's emotions would compromise his resolve to find him too.

"Nothing," Sam replied. "Whatever demons Crowley has scouting for monsters have really stepped up their game since the last time we found them." He said irritably, "it's like trying to catch smoke with our hands at this point."

Dean leaned heavily against the side of the Impala, defeated. "It doesn't help that they know we're after them now."

"More like it doesn't help us that they have an angel on their team. And we don't anymore."

Cas felt the stab of Sam's words burrow into his chest and it was only made worse when Dean's handsome face turned cold. "Right, well…" he began with a hoarse voice but abruptly cleared it, "we gotta out think them. We just need _one_ of these son-of-a-bitches to get what we need." He paused, rubbing a hard hand over his suddenly weary face. "We worked with Cas for over a year. We know him- know how he fights. So it's time we start thinkin' like him."

Sam acknowledged Dean's new stagey and said he would mention it to Bobby. "So we'll see you sometime tomorrow?" Sam asked a moment later.

"Yeah, see you guys tomorrow." With that, Dean closed his phone and shoved it back in his pocket.

Cas watched Dean, standing close enough to reach out and touch. But he didn't. A strange urgency came over him though, needing to touch him, wanting to with a desperation that reminded him of the same intensity he felt last night.

He could feel the heat coming off his body and smell the sweaty musk of his scent. Still he resisted the urge to reveal himself to his hunter. His hunter, he realized, Dean had always been his hunter. But not anymore. Even after what they shared last night, it still changed nothing between them. If anything, it made it harder on them both of them in choosing their different sides.

He continued to watch the hunter. His strong, muscled arms reached out and turning knobs, pulling pieces out and replacing them in the labyrinthine of what essentially made up the classic Impala. Sweat trickled down his brow and neck, wetting the black shirt around the collar and down his sculpted back. He wiped the back of his hand over his strained neck and rolled his shoulders, the oil mixing in with the sweat and moving between his roped muscles. Dean had become tantalizing to watch. Cas's heart raced madly and his pulse pounded in his veins. Every single fiber in his being, in his vessel, wanted to reach out and touch the gorgeous toned form of the hunter. He even had a strange urge to follow the trail of sweat from beneath Dean's neck, down his shirt and over his heavily muscled chest.

Their moments of torrid, breathless kissing from the night before seared into him making his lips tingle for more. Yet of all the things they experienced together in the dream, it was Dean's words that tormented him the most. Dean had declared his love to him. Cas took a quick painful breath. Those words now gripped his soul and crushed him from the inside out. It made working with Crowley and staying on course with his war seem obsolete.

Dean Winchester loved him. And Castiel's response… he looked away again, shame burrowing it's way through him like a parasite. How he managed to walk away after that, was beyond him. Once he left the dream, Castiel realized he just made the biggest mistake of his life. And caused Dean irreparable harm by his actions. He feared that he lost the one human in the world that he truly loved. But he knew the truth of that fear now. He did loose Dean.

The sunlight glared hotly at him, almost accusingly. Castiel glanced up toward the bright light. He had to leave. He couldn't continue torturing himself any longer staying in Dean's presence. Cas burned the image of Dean into his mind, remembering every curve of his form, every expression of his face and the depth of those emerald eyes. Castiel knew Dean was lost to him now. He had made his choice.

Cas left the hunter then, promising himself he wouldn't seek him out again. If he did, he feared he would have to go to war with him as well. Cas lifted his wings high, feeling the stretch of them extend like a set of arms. The wind swept beneath his wings as he flung himself into the air and ascended towards Heaven.

* * *

><p>Dean heard that all too familiar sound of flapping winds and spun quickly to see where the source of the sound came from. The glare of the sunlight crossed his face, making him squint. He scanned the empty parking lot. No one was there. No man, wearing a trench coat and suit stood among the cars. Wishful hearing, Dean thought bitterly. A stab of disappointment gutted him but he shoved it down. Just like he did so many times before with his emotions. He promised himself to not dwell on what happened. To focus on the now and right now, he was alone, standing in an empty parking lot. Dean bit back a sigh and returned to his Impala.<p>

_**TBC**_


	3. Ch 3: In the Forest

**Chapter 3: In the Forest**

Bad Company hummed in the background. The Impala purred in response. He knew his baby loved that classic rock as much as he did and could appreciate greatness. Night had already fallen on him on his way to Bobby's house. Unfortunately Dean had the maintenance issues earlier with his best girl and spent yesterday dealing with that. But to make matters worse, Dean had overslept at the rat infested, flea bag motel. So by the time he actually ended up hitting the road, it was _way_ past the hour he told Sam he'd be back.

Dean glanced at the dashboard and scooped up his cellphone. Pushing the lock button, his phone lit up to tell him the time. 1:34am. A low groan escaped him. He still had three hours left of hard road before he even got close to Bobby's house. Damnit, why'd he have to over sleep? He sighed, eyes following the yellow lines of the road and the tree line that stretched out before him out of the black. He knew why. Too many nights of not sleeping well.

Cas came to his mind again. But Dean had become skilled in the art of repression. He refused to think about this anymore. He told Cas the truth and what did he get in return…? Nothing- not even a friggin' good-bye. He just left him. Abandoned him like every other person he ever loved. Sam and Bobby were family but they at times left him. Now it was Cas's turn. He should've known better than to expect more from the angel. And he should've paid more attention to his own heart, instead of letting it go so easily. Dean thought he had learned his lesson when he was kid. Now he was back in the same, miserable broken-hearted mess he's been in before but this time, it hurt like a bullet in the chest.

Suddenly the Impala shuddered. Alarmed, Dean gripped the steering wheel and watched in helpless horror his Impala die on the road. "Aw- c'mon baby, don't do this to me…" he pleaded out loud. Her headlights flickered off and the car engine roared one final time before shutting down. He managed to roll to the side of the highway. The darkness of the night had descended quickly and the only ones left on the highway, was him and the black Chevy Impala.

Dean grunted out a mouth full of curses and got out of the car. He opened the hood and examined it with a flashlight from his jacket pocket. Everything looked fine, nothing out of place or missing, no smoke or oil leaks… He glared down at her, "C'mon baby, tell me what's going on this time…"

"Nothing," said a harsh male voice from behind him. He spun in time to see five large men appear from the forest, their faces rough, dirty and pale. Their eyes bright with hunger. Yet their faces were lifeless and taunt from the effects of death, different than demons… vampires. Dean's heart lurched. Crap, all his weapons were in the trunk. All he had was a useless gun against a pack of hungry looking vamps. He backed up against the Impala, carefully watching the blood thirsty vampires.

But the one who spoke to him wasn't a vampire. Dean saw his black eyes glistened under the moonlight. "Hello Dean, we've been waiting for you…"

"Hopefully not too long, I overslept this morning," he said, attempting to sound bored even if his heart raced a mile a minute. He glanced over them, sizing them up. "So you the posse who's come to take me in?"

"No," the blacked eyed demon said with a cold smirk, "we're here to kill you. Crowley's orders." The vampires moved forward, surrounding the demon, their dead eyes locked on Dean.

"Well I'm sure Crowley's a very busy guy- seeing as how he sent an ass-clown like you and the twilight rejects after me."

The vampires growled dangerously behind the demon. Dean felt his throat tighten and his body tensed, preparing for the on-coming attack. The vampires shifted anxiously and stared at him as if he were a piece of fleshy meat they wanted to rip into.

This was it. He had never been surrounded and outnumbered this badly before without Sam or Bobby for backup. Now on this stretch of deserted highway, next to his Impala, Dean realized he might not live to see the morning. He resisted the urge to cringe. Dean was a pretty confident hunter and saw himself as a lethal fighter. But right now, he feared that no matter how much skill under his belt, four angry vampires and a pissy demon might be his punched ticket.

He swore then that he was gonna hunt down Crowley and give that bastard one hellvua ride back to Hell when he finally captured him. And Cas. His heart shuddered. Cas would let him die. They were enemies now. It didn't matter that they shared an earth-shattering night together and Dean gave up his whole heart to the angel. It just didn't matter. Cas made his choice. Dean had to live with it and now die with it.

Dean pulled out his pearl handled gun, it was time to fight. Live or die. He vaguely wondered why those two choices were always his only choices.

* * *

><p>Cas glanced around Crowley's interrogation room. Blood drenched the walls, along with human and monster leftovers as if Crowley had been overly zealous with his last few victims. Cas wanted to block out the sight of the blood and pain that was evident in this room. He knew that closing his eyes would not be enough. He turned to leave when a flapping of wings echoed in the bloodied room.<p>

Cas turned to see Balthazar. The tall, lean blond angel that had become Cas's remaining ally and friend. Cas expected to be greeted in his usual cool, smirking arrogance expect this time the angel was somber and indifferent.

"What's the matter Balthazar?" Cas asked surveying the angel's face.

Balthazar's eyes moved through the room coldly. "Is this what you do to all your friends Cas?"

Cas heard the bitterness of Balthazar's tone. "No," he responded, "Crowley does this to get information… you know this."

Balthazar smirked harshly, "yes. I guess I'm waiting for the day for you to betray me as well."

"I won't betray you," he stated flatly.

"You said that about the Winchesters."

Cas's heart plummeted, "That's different, Balthazar. Besides, they are still alive."

Balthazar titled his head to the side and his vibrant blue eyes narrowed, "Really? So do you think Dean can fight off a pack of Crowley's vampires? And Sam a handful of demons?"

Cas stilled, "What…? I don't understand…"

Balthazar moved and grabbed Cas by his jacket and hurled him close until his angry face was inches from him. "If you ever plan on stabbing me in the back, Cas- I'd prefer you do it to my face."

His anger radiated off him, disturbing Cas considerably. But he was still in command of the angel and the situation, even if emotions clouded Balthazar's judgment. "Are the Winchester's in trouble, Balthazar?"

The angel's jaw flexed before he spat out, "Crowley sent his little band of psychos after them."

A sharp stab of fear tore through Cas as he breathed, "Dean…" He abruptly pushed away from Balthazar, unable to think past the panic that now held him. His wings instantly flung outwards, prepared to take off.

Balthazar's voice stopped him. "What about Sam?"

Cas paused, eyes hard as stone. "I'm going after Dean."

Balthazar cocked an eyebrow and Cas could see the sudden sparkle of his friend's mischief return. "Should I go help the giant then?"

"Do as you wish, Balthazar."

The angel smiled and vanished. Cas wondered briefly why Balthazar was eager to save Sam. But the thought past quickly as his wings reached out towards the sky and flew up towards Dean's direction. He had the gut wrenching fear that he might be too late.

* * *

><p>Dean's face clenched in agony as he rolled off the hood of the Impala and landed on the hard pavement. He coughed out blood, which had been pooling in his mouth from the hit he took from before. He grunted and tried to get back on his feet, because on the ground meant being vulnerable or dead. Fingers dug into the pavement as he tried to regain momentum but it was deterred when a vampire kicked him in the back and another one caught him only to throw him head first into a tree.<p>

The bark cut into his forehead from the hard impact. A gaping gash sliced into his skin. Warm, wet blood seeped from the wound, trailing down his face, blurring his vision. He hissed out in the sudden pain. Dazed and disoriented, he reached out, trying to grab the tree. But his body wouldn't obey his own commands as he stumbled backwards to the ground.

The pack of vampires descended on him, looming over him. The vampire that had initially attacked him, had a mouth full of Dean's blood and he grinned menacingly down on him now, face painted in his red blood. Dean reached out around him and felt a stick slip between his fingers. Blindly he gripped it and as the bloodied vampire moved in for the kill, Dean swung the stick upwards and stabbed the vampire through the chest.

The vampire howled in pain. The other vampires snarled and grabbed Dean angrily in retaliation. He felt himself being hauled up into the air by strong hands and pulled in different directions. He suddenly remembered the torments of Hell, with chains digging into his flesh and yanking him until consumed by unimaginable pain. He cried out. His screams echoed through the dark forest. The vampires laughed, taunting him as they hurt him. Some snapped their vicious sharp teeth at him, the others glared in open hatred. He shut his eyes, refusing to see the pack of killer vampires rip and tear into his flesh.

He felt the first sting of a bite and after that a million more bites seemed to overwhelm his mind and body. Dean jerked and writhed uncontrollably from the pain but powerful hands still gripped him tightly as they began to devour him. Suddenly he heard the voice of the demon cry out. Dean kept his eyes shut, refusing to see the blood and his body shred to pieces.

A white light filtered in through his firmly shut eyes. Dean remembered that light from a dozen other times before. Now this brilliant white light shone brightly in the darken forest. The light could only come from an angel. His angel…

**_TBC_**


	4. Ch 4: Night of the Impala

**Chapter 4: Night of the Impala**

Castiel landed and smelled blood.

It took him several long minutes to track down Dean. He went to the motel but there was no sign of the hunter. He then recalled Dean's conversation with Sam the day before about traveling to Bobby's. Cas surveyed the long highway towards Bobby's house but he must have went too far because he hadn't found Dean yet. When he turned back for the second time, he then located the Impala pulled off on the side of the highway.

The forest surrounded and nearly engulfed Cas. It was thick to the point of being impenetrable yet the fresh scent of human blood hung in the air. His gaze moved quickly through the darkness, hoping to see a shadow- a person, anything. Cas felt the building fury suddenly consume him as he pictured Dean's broken, dead body on the cold forest floor. Every thought vanished except for the image of Dean. Was he too late? Suddenly he heard someone gasp. He turned in time to see an ugly demon cry out a warning into the black forest. Cas sneered in contempt as he grabbed the demon with his angelic abilities and pulled him towards him. The demon tried to flee from his vessel but Cas was quicker than the disgusting creature. Black smoke began escaping from the eyes and mouth of the demon. Cas placed his hand over it and shoved it back down viciously and with a flash of his powers, he killed the demon within the vessel.

Cas vanished into the direction the demon had called out to. He appeared in front of a pack of evil creatures, hunched over a lifeless form, tearing apart chunks of flesh and meat. Cas would recognize the form of his hunter from anywhere. The blood he smelled was from Dean. A rush of pure hatred blinded Cas. The brilliant light of his power surged through him like a bolt of lightning. It came out so violently, that Cas dropped to his knees from the intensity. The light slammed into the pack of vampires like a sledgehammer. A cloud of ash and black smoke was all that was left of the vampires after the light struck them. Dean's body lay motionless.

Cas felt the energy of the power still seep through him, radiating off his body like steam. Cas had never done that before. He didn't feel depleted of strength from the exertion of power, rather he felt more alive and almost amplified from it. He vanished from his kneeling position to Dean. Dean's face was matted in his blood and dirt. His flesh and clothes were tore, blood poured from wounds on his neck, arms and torso. He reminded him of Crowley's torture chamber and what was usually left over, chewed flesh, bone and blood.

He stroked the side of Dean's chiseled, broken face and let the warmth of his angelic powers reach into the hunter. Dean gasped out, breath filling his lungs anew. Cas's heart leapt at the sight. He had completely healed from inside and out. He continued to stroke the side of his face tenderly, waiting for Dean to return to him.

Slowly, Dean opened his beautiful emerald eyes and locked on to him. "Cas…?" he rasped out.

"Yes, Dean. I'm here," he responded. He noticed that Dean's clothes were torn and he still seemed slightly disoriented. Cas decided to take him somewhere familiar and safe. He teleported them to the backseat of the Impala. Darkness blanketed them from the outside horrors of the forest.

Dean suddenly sat up, his face cleaned of the dirt and blood. He seemed to recognize the car and the fear that had leapt in his eyes faded slowly. "Jeez…" he grunted, "what the Hell just happened?" he asked more to himself as his large manacles ran over his face and threw his hair, seemingly lost for words.

"Crowley sent them to kill you," Cas stated though he hated having to remind Dean of that. Or that Cas only knew that information because he still worked with Crowley. So really he was just as much to blame for the attack as the demon.

Dean's gaze turned to him. His eyes were steely as daggers, "yeah… I know."

"Forgive me," Cas responded. "I didn't know. I would've been here sooner…"

Dean looked away, jaw twitching in his mouth. Suddenly, without warning, Dean reached across the seat and slammed a heavy fist into the side of Cas's face. Cas took the hit, feeling nothing. He did hear the crunch of Dean's knuckles against him cheek. He turned back in time to see the hunter cringe in pain and hold his broken hand.

Cas glared at him, angry at how reckless Dean was behaving. He reached out to take his hand but Dean pulled back as if about to be struck with a hot poker. Cas gritted his teeth, "Stop being foolish. Give me your hand."

"Go to Hell," he hissed out. Dean's strength seemed to waver though as he clutched his hand to him.

"I came here to protect you," he snapped.

Dean's dark eyes turned cold. "Why? I didn't ask for your help. And I'm sure, Crowley's not gonna like you smiting his men."

"I don't care about Crowley," Cas replied in a dangerously low voice. "I care about you."

A harsh smirk crossed the hunter's handsome face. "You care…." He said unconvinced. "The only thing you care about if yourself."

"That's not true," Cas said sternly.

"It is," Dean retorted, a glimpse of emotion flickering in his eyes. "You betrayed me for a demon." He chuckled harshly, "It's not the first time someone I loved did that to me. I just never thought you would, Cas."

Cas reeled. Dean once again declared his love, yet the way he said it, cut painfully. "I did it to protect you."

"Don't start with that crap again," he muttered. "I'd rather break my other hand."

Anger shot through him and Cas could no longer restrain himself. He swiftly moved across the backseat and grabbed Dean's wrist. He winced and tried to fight back but with Cas's superior strength, Dean was helpless. He burned his powerful grip into him, flooding him with the healing warmth of his abilities. Dean gasped, his eyes closing slightly in the relief that came from wiping the pain of his broken hand away.

Suddenly Dean wrenched himself away and kicked Cas backwards against the side of the cab, his strength returned. Cas floundered for a moment trying to regain his balance as Dean made an attempt to push down the driver's side seat to get out of the Impala. Cas's anger flare, he reached for Dean and yanked him back in. Dean flung his arm away and suddenly pulled out a blade from beneath the seat and swung. Cas deflected the blade easily and palmed his hand upwards, capturing Dean's wrist and titling it downwards. Dean flinched and the hilt of the blade wavered precariously in his hand.

"Let go of the knife, Dean." He said warningly.

"Or what?" Dean challenged back through gritted teeth.

Cas's heart broke apart at his harsh words. He remembered asking Dean those similar words the night they last spoke. Before the dream ever happened. But he refused to reveal that to the unfeeling Dean. "I will hurt you if I must…"

Dean's nostrils flared and his eyes burned with hatred. "Go ahead. I'd rather you stab me in the back then Crowley."

Cas's grip hardened making Dean grunt and twist uncomfortably. Cas pushed his body close to the hunter's, their faces inches apart and both seething in anger and emotion. Yet when he felt the tremble of Dean beneath his touch, Cas felt a new sensation flood him now. Hunger. Blatant hunger that clawed at his insides.

"I could never kill you, Dean." He admitted truthfully.

"Yeah?" he asked mockingly, "even if I was the one pushing a dagger into you?"

Cas searched his face but saw only the stoic hardness of the hunter. "Never," he whispered.

Dean suddenly and unexpectedly outmaneuvered him. Startled, Cas was hit in the side of the stomach and pushed backwards yet again by the hard soles of Dean's boots. The knife sliced the air and scratched Cas across his cheek. He didn't even wince as the blood slowly oozed from the cut. He was then shoved violently back into the seat and against the car.

Dean breathed heavily on the opposite end. His eyes lowered darkly as he stared at the blood dripping down Cas's face. The knife was still clutched in his hand. Cas returned his gaze and healed the side of his face was a brief wave of his fingers. Dean sneered in contempt, knowing that fighting an angel was a useless endeavor.

"Why can't you just kill me?" Dean finally said. "Put me out of my misery already."

"No," Cas whispered softly.

"God damnit, Cas." Dean uttered, "Did I ever matter to you…?" His voice betrayed him as it shook with sorrow. Cas watched as those emerald eyes brimmed with unshed tears.

How could he tell him that he did matter? Dean wouldn't believe him. He no longer trusted him. Cas looked away ashamed. He had nothing to offer Dean anymore because the hunter would not want it. He didn't want his help. He didn't want his friendship or loyalty, not after what he did. He betrayed him. He deserved Dean's hatred.

"You've always been important to me, Dean." He replied gently, knowing Dean would not believe him.

Dean looked away. Cas took the opportunity to disarm him with a flick of his wrist. The knife shot from his hand and to the front seat, out of reach. Dean cursed.

"Well Cas, now that you've got me…" Dean trailed off, then shrugged indifferently, "what do you plan on doing with me?"

Cas stared at the handsome hunter for a long moment. Suddenly images of their night together swarmed his brain like bees to a hive. He swallowed as he felt the uncomfortable heat build in the pit of his stomach and stretch to the vessel's manhood. Cas shifted, knowing he had to address the question that had been stirring in his mind, "What happened last night, Dean? In the dream?"

Dean stiffened, "A mistake."

"No, it wasn't," Cas stated sternly, unwilling to let what they shared become meaningless. Something happened that night to Cas that he had yet to figure out, only that he wanted to do it again with the hunter.

Dean's face grew incredulous, "What does our night together matter anyway, Cas? Nothing's changed between us! You're still gonna open Pandora's box with a damned demon and I still have to stop you. So yeah, Cas- our night together was a big friggin mistake."

"Was loving me a mistake too?"

A stillness overcame the car. Dean uttered an oath as his eyes flashed hotly before turning to stone. "Don't you dare, you son-of-a-bitch…" he rasped. "You don't get to use that against me…"

"Why not?" Cas asked, knowing he was treading on dangerous ground with the hunter now. Dean's emotions were already high but with this, Cas wondered if he had gone too far.

"We're done with this conversation." He stated flatly and turned towards the driver's seat, about to leave.

"Wait… I want to know…"

"We're done," he spat out aggressively, shoving his shoulder into the seat.

"No," Cas intercepted him. "We're not done, Dean." With enhanced speed, Cas managed to capture Dean and flatten his back against the leather cushioned seats.

Dean glared at him and fought, but Cas kept him pinned beneath with the palm of his hand over his muscular chest. Cas stared down at him, feeling conflicting emotions bombard him. He wanted to punch some sense into Dean's thick skull, but also kiss him until he whimpered and moaned like he had done the night in the dream. A tingle of sensations surged through Cas's body. His cock stirred to life, straining against the slacks he wore. He glanced down, curiously. Just holding Dean down in this position and thoughts about their time together brought all these feelings that Cas had not been accustomed.

Dean must have noticed the shift in Cas's mood. "No," but the husky exclamation died on his lips when Cas rubbed his arousal over Dean's stomach. The hunter tensed and his hands shot out immediately to protect himself from the angel. Cas caught his hands easily, chaining them together in one solid grip between them. Cas lowered himself closer over Dean's, the heat already thick in the air. Dean struggled but it was useless, he was trapped.

Cas tentatively inched his lips forward, hovering slightly. Dean's emerald eyes blazed. "Don't this, Cas…"

Cas ignored him by brushing his lips over his gently, unsure. Dean sucked in a breath and parted his lips for him. A yearning, deep within him yawned open and Cas could no longer deny what he truly wanted. He captured his mouth in that instant. They both let go of their hate, their differences and their logic. And just with a kiss.

Cas devoured him, mimicking the way Dean had kissed him in the dream, pivoting his lips and using them with a crushing force. A simpering whimper escaped Dean's throat as he opened his mouth wider for Cas's tongue. He dove in, tonguing and licking, sucking and biting. His arousal became painfully hard and insistent. He clenched his buttocks, hoping to stop the building and unrelenting pressure. But it was no use. His hips bucked uncontrollably then and brushed against Dean's own bulging cock. It was Cas's turn to groan wantonly now.

He dug his other hand threw Dean's short hair and gripped the back of his head, pushing his lips hard into his, until they were both panting for air and writhing into each other. Dean bucked upwards, the force of his arousal hitting against Cas, which nearly caused the sensation to burst, but not quite. Cas wanted more of this feeling. He mimicked Dean's motions, slamming himself down and then grinding into his cock. The friction between the clothes caused their heat to become unbearable. Cas groaned and began bucking wildly, needing so much more… His grip slacken around Dean's hands and he felt the hunter's hard, calloused hands frantically grasp his back and then his ass. He began controlling the movements of Cas's wild humping, pushing himself up and greeting each thrust with his own. Cas was so close, he felt his cock tingle and the tip of it become sensitive to the movement. His heart raced and breath caught in his throat.

"Cas… clothes… off…" Dean pleaded, unable to stop his own movements. Cas nodded absently and touched Dean's clothes away along with his own with his power. The moment their naked bodies finally touched, Cas cried out. The tip of his throbbing sex beaded with precum and ached between his thighs.

Deans' hand quickly moved between them, his breathing heavy and choppy. He lifted his leg and slid out slightly, moving Cas beneath him and placing the tip of his arousal to his backside. Cas bit down on his lip, every muscle in his body straining and holding back. They locked eyes right before Dean sank down and Cas guided himself inside. Dean cringed, though his erection stiffened. Cas was surrounded by Dean's warmth and heat and couldn't stop what happened next. He slammed into him with a ferocity that startled them both. Dean yelled out in pain but Cas couldn't stop. He wouldn't. He slammed harder and deeper. Each thrust felt greater than the last.

Suddenly Dean's groans of pain became that of utter rapture as he bucked and jerked urgently beneath him. Dean's cock pressed between them as Cas continued pushing into him. Unable to control himself, Cas began humping madly, crazily. Faster and harder. Dean tensed suddenly, blindly grabbing hold of him and Cas watched in awe as the hunter climaxed.

Dean gasped out, clutching Cas to him as he gushed between their bodies. Cas felt so close to the breaking point as well so he quickened his pace, muscles straining. He felt powerless over the demands of his body. He made three more thrusts before his climax claimed him. He exploded gloriously, falling into the oblivion of Dean.

In sublime surrender, he buried his face into Dean's neck and let the exquisite jolts was over him. He had abdicated control to the natural forces of his own body and filled the man he had wanted for what seemed like a lifetime. For a long moment afterwards, Cas lay on top of him, spent in blissful devastation. The only sounds were of their mingled breathing and the noises of the outside world beyond the Impala. When Cas finally found the strength to pull away and release himself from Dean, he avoided looking at him. Unsure of how to act now that they had just shared yet another incredible experience together.

After Cas returned their clothes from the void, he finally risked looking at the hunter. Tears had left salty tracks over his chiseled features but his bright vibrant eyes were clear. Cas felt his body shudder as he realized how hard he had been. "Are you all right?" he asked as he held out his hand to assist Dean into the sitting position but he ignored him and straightened on his own.

Dean nodded, "I'm fine," he said with a hoarse voice.

"Is there anything I can do…?" he asked, unsure of what he could do to help or offer that Dean would accept.

Dean glanced out the front of the car window, into the black sky and darkened forest. _You can say that you love me_, Dean thought, choking back the tears that suffocated him. Wordlessly, Dean climbed out of the Impala, leaving Cas behind.

**_TBC_**


	5. Ch 5: Sullen Boy

**Chapter 5: Sullen Boy**

Dean rolled up to Bobby's house a few hours later. The morning light cascaded down over the scrap metal cemetery and the old, termite eaten shack that Bobby called a house. And Dean couldn't have been happier to see it. After his long, miserable drive there, he needed the company and away from his thoughts. The first hour of the drive, he could still feel and smell Cas all over him. His eyes had wondered too many times to the backseat and his body trembled, remembering the way Cas banged him mindlessly until they both came with such intensity that Dean had thought he touched Heaven.

God, it felt so right to have him wrapped in his embrace. Perfect even, he thought. So why couldn't Cas feel it too? Was he so cut off from his emotions that he couldn't feel love other than that of Daddy worship? He gritted his teeth, flexing his hard muscle of his jaw, refusing to continue dwelling on the subject. He spent two hours of non-stop of thinking about that stupid angel. He had to stop tormenting himself. Dean stepped out of the car and the felt the jolt of pain shot up his spine. He gasped and fisted his hand into the door of the Impala. His ass hurt from the angel slamming he received and sitting on it for two hours straight didn't help either. He suddenly snorted in humorless laughter. He had let that little angel get rough with him. But damn, he thought getting to his feet, was it worth it.

The aches and strains of his body slowly faded as he stretched a bit before walking into Bobby's lair. He opened the door and reeled. The place was trashed, well more so then usual. The kitchen table was in ruins all over the floor and the library looked like a tornado touched down on it. He gaped in horror.

Suddenly Bobby peaked out from behind the desk and tossed a crap-load of books on top, cursing. When he spotted Dean he jumped, with a shotgun in his hand.

"Christ on a crutch, boy! You gave me a heart attack," he muttered before tossing his shotgun on the table along with the books.

"What happened here, Bobby?" He stepped over the shards of splintered table.

"Demons…" he said in disgust. "We had a house full of the vermin bout' two hours ago."

He looked around expecting to see bodies or blood but only broken furniture and a general mess. "Where's Sam?"

Just then Sam, his little brother, walked through the backdoor. Sam might have been a few years younger than Dean but he definitely wasn't little anymore. He was almost giant-like, with a massive build and roped muscles that thicken his intimating form. He was quite a handsome devil too and the ladies would swoon over that puppy cute face of his. Now though, he stood in the doorway, his clothes soaked through in sweat with his hands and boots covered in dirt. "Hey," Sam said in mild surprise at the sight of Dean.

"Hey yourself- where were you?" he asked, gesturing to the dirt stained clothes.

Sam let out a quick sigh and walked over to the kitchen sink to wash his hands. "I'm sure Bobby told you already that we had ourselves a demon attack. I was outside digging for the better part of the morning."

Hiding the bodies, Dean heard Sam say without saying it. "Yeah, I can tell. You smell lovely," he muttered sarcastically, then asked, "How many demons?"

"Six," Sam replied, toweling off his hands and then rubbing the damp cloth over his face.

"Six?" Dean reeled again. "How'd you two manage wranglin' six demons?"

"I got two, Bobby got one… and Balthazar killed the rest for us."

The hits keep coming, he thought dully. "Balthazar?" He didn't hide his obvious shock.

"Yeah, he showed up a few minutes after the demons did. He saved our asses, literally."

Bobby grunted, "A piece of work that angel is. Got one helluva attitude on him."

"Lucky for us he had some angel slaying daggers' too," Sam retorted dryly.

"Yeah, we all know Balthazar's an asshole." Dean growled, feeling the fatigue of the drive and the emotions of last night begin to wear on him. And now the frustration of not being here in time to help out in their fight, instead that dick of an angel helped. "So why would he stick his neck out for you guys?"

"I asked him that," Sam began. "Said Cas was busy savin' you and came for us."

Dean just felt like he got sucker punched. "What?" Why didn't Cas tell him that Sam was in trouble?

"I tried callin' you- you weren't answering." Sam said irritated. Dean quickly pulled out his phone and noted the three missed calls from Sammy. "Was Balthazar right? Were you in trouble, Dean?"

Dean had hoped to avoid discussing the vampire attack but he couldn't now, Balthazar let the cat out of the bag. He rubbed a weary hand over his face, "Yeah- I was attacked too. Vampires and a pissy demon."

"Vampires?" Sam glanced over Dean with a concerned face. "Cas helped though, right?"

He nodded, "Yeah he came and smited for me."

"That's surprising, considering he traded us up from Crowley." Bobby exclaimed.

"I guess he still considers us his friends," Sam said though his eyes were locked on Dean. "Did he tell you why he saved us?"

Dean shook his head as his eyes spotted the bottle of whiskey on the kitchen counter. He went for it and gulped down a few shots. "No…" his voice was hoarse from the fiery liquid. "He didn't say anything."

"Great… I don't know whether to kiss him and or kill him," Bobby grumbled.

"Maybe him and Crowley are fighting?" Sam said hopefully.

"No, Cas is still Hell bent on popping Pandora's box of souls," Dean retorted bitterly taking another swig.

"Well, looks like I'm back to killin' him," Bobby cursed unhappily.

Dean and Sam exchanged looks and his little brother must have saw the sadness in his eyes as he patted his back endearingly. "We don't have to kill him… just stop him," Sam's big brown eyes stared down at him in concern. Dean felt sick. The sorrow and anger weighing heavily down on him and having his brother trying to comfort him, made it worse.

He sucked in his lower lip and turned away, clearing his throat. "Right, well the only way on stopping an angel is killing him."

"Dean…" Sam began but he shrugged him off.

"I'm gonna hit the sack," Dean commented, unable to look at them. "I just need a few hours to recharge." Bobby seemed to have understood and told him to go to the panic room- he'd at least be guarantee sleep in there. Dean grunted a thanks and headed downstairs to the panic room. The heavy iron door closed tightly behind him and the moment it clanged shut, Dean sighed. He rubbed the back of his neck and eyed the comfy cot waiting to be slept on.

He shrugged off his jacket and tossed it aside, he even kicked off his boots which he usually didn't bother with. But he wanted to be comfortable. Dean couldn't remember the last time he got proper shut-eye without dreaming. Except his mind still churned with questions and he wanted to summon Cas just so he could lay a major smackdown on his outer-earthy-ass. He knew Sam and Bobby were gonna get attacked but came for him. And he didn't even mention it. "Bastard…" he grumbled, burying his face into the pillow. He hoped that he wouldn't dream and that the world around him would have the cutesy of giving him a few hours of peace.

No dreams, please… he begged into his own mind.

Exhaustion struck him quickly and the moment he shut his eyes, sleep descended.

**_TBC_**

* * *

><p><strong>***I hope ur enjoying the story so far. i was a little surprised myself when it took off the way it did. i gotta say though, this has been more challenging to write then my other stories since a lot is riding on what happens next week in the season finale. i also wanted to let everyone know that i wont be updating for a least 4-5 days. i have finals in school! eek! so after that is all over with, i will update &amp; feel way less guilty about spending my time writing! lol! so in the meantime... dean's getting his much needed rest &amp; maybe by then our beloved angel will realize dean is more valuable then all the souls in Purgatory***<strong>

**~luv kidneythieves ;)**


	6. Ch 6: Boy with a Broken Halo

**Chapter 6: Boy with the Broken Halo**

Dusk had settled on the remains of the day. Castiel stood in a remote cemetery. The brief light of daylight still glimmered over the gravestones. A foggy mist began to stretch out across the wet grass and spread like tentacles. An unearthly and almost sinister emotion filled Cas's mind as his slow gaze traveled over the hundreds of graves. Cas suddenly thought of Dean then. Being buried in one of these unmarked plots, with no symbol of his life to represent the greatness he gave to the world. Cas felt his gut clench painfully at the thought of standing in front of Dean's grave. What if he had to be the one who killed him in the end? What if Cas had to kill the only human on the earth he had grown to care for and…

His breath caught in his throat as he heard Dean's strong, husky voice in his head whisper, _"I love you, Cas…" _ Dean had said it under hardship and pain, believing that Cas had been there to kill him in a nightmare. Yet Dean said it anyway, wanting Cas to know of his love before his violent death. And he had not said it since that night. Cas never doubted the truth behind Dean's words. He just wished he knew what to do now.

Nature had taken over the graveyard with large trees overshadowing the statues and tombstones. Cas's eyes locked on the statue before him. A once beautiful angel, sword in hand and wings outstretched, had become defeated by nature as weeds and stains of wind and rain blemished it.

"I never did understand why angels liked to watch the living whenever they had their little pow-wows…" Balthazar commented drily from behind him. Cas turned and saw Balthazar, who sat casually on a bench with a nearly empty bottle of liquor in his hand.

"It's not as depressing as this," Cas replied.

"Please, seeing them alive or dead- doesn't _really_ matter." Balthazar said, his cool blue eyes narrowing. "Souls are souls, dead or alive. But you know all about that, don't you Cas?"

Cas stilled. He didn't know if Balthazar cared or not about the souls. A war had to be fought. It didn't matter how they won. Balthazar usually seemed too preoccupied with himself to care about others. He already swore his allegiance to him when he gave him the weapons of Heaven to destroy Raphael. Now with his assistance with the Winchesters, Balthazar had become a critical ally on his side.

"Thank you for rescuing Sam," Cas said redirecting the topic.

Balthazar's eyebrow cocked at him, seeming to notice the change in topic, yet let it pass. He glanced away and took another swig from the bottle, "I didn't do it for you," he said hoarsely, unable to meet Cas's eyes.

Cas titled his head sideways, thinking of a reason why Balthazar would be motivated to help the Winchesters. But nothing came to him right away. "All the same, Balthazar- thank you," Cas said sincerely.

He walked closer to his fellow angel and surveyed him. His lengthy vessel seemed to fill the whole bench, with his large arm casually draped over the top and his long legs out-stretched before him. It was as if his body could only be accommodated in large spaces, much like Sam Winchester, who also shared the same physical traits as Balthazar. Both men where tall, lean and muscled, Sam more so. Balthazar's blond hair was rather messy this evening and his clothes a bit ragged. Cas had never been skilled at sensing when someone was in a bad mood but considering where Balthazar had arranged their rendezvous and his overall ambivalent attitude since he arrived, Cas would guess his friend was not very happy.

"I take it- you're hunter fared well then?" Balthazar asked finally meeting his gaze.

"He's not my hunter," he responded coldly.

Balthazar chuckled, "I believe he is Cas."

"I'm his guardian," he stated harshly to his friend, "that is all."

"Right, and I'm Mary-friggin-Poppins." Balthazar muttered. "Dean Winchester _is_ your hunter. He matters to you more than any soul in your war machine, Cas." His eyes burned accusingly at him, "so don't lie to me and tell me that he doesn't matter. Why else would you drop everything and fly to his every whim if he didn't?"

Cas shifted uncomfortably. Balthazar had a knack for emotions. He excelled it in, especially when Cas himself was still trying to understand the depths of it. "Fine," Cas finally answered. "Dean is important to me."

His smirk was patronizing, "I know."

"Then why did you make me say it?" Cas asked angrily.

Balthazar's cockiness vanished. He stood, startling Cas at his abrupt speed. "Take a hard look around, Cas and tell me what do you see?" He gestured outwards to the empty, desolate cemetery.

"A graveyard."

"Correct," His blue eyes seemed to be locked on the ruined angel statue from earlier. "We've known each other for centuries, Cas. And not once, did you ever attach yourself to a human."

Cas felt the harshness of his words but easily countered, "God commanded me to save Dean from Hell. I had no choice but to become part of his life."

"God commanded you," Balthazar said thoughtfully. "Did you ever wonder why?"

Cas paused, thinking about the first time he encountered Dean Winchester. He had just ripped him from the pit of Hell, the burn scar on the hunter's arm still sizzled on his flesh and was evidence of Cas's act. And how they met afterwards, in that darken warehouse, painted in all the wrong symbols and filled with all the wrong weapons to be used against him. He remembered with perfect clarity the fear etched on Dean's stoic face after he had stabbed him, believing he was a demon or creature from the bowels of the underworld. Cas almost smiled at how Dean then blatantly refused to believe he was an angel of the Lord.

Now, looking back on it, Cas wondered if they ever expected to have gotten this far. To have fought together and survived against Lucifer. To have stopped the apocalypse as friends and allies. Did they ever expect it would end like this? Both of them tore between two different sides. Cas on the frontlines of a war with a demon and Dean refusing to deal with any devil.

"No," Cas said softly. "I never questioned my orders."

"It's not about orders, Cas." Balthazar replied tartly. "It's about why God choose you to be Dean Winchester's angel out of the rest of us." He suddenly sighed, his eyes traveling over the graves before them. "Most of our family is dead or on the verge of war. Our father abandoned us. And you made a deal with a devil." He turned to him, his blue eyes burned into him like shards of piercing glass. "The Winchester's brought you into their family, Cas. A new family. One that hasn't deserted you." He waved his hand and the ruined angel, returned to its original state of beauty, shining out in the darkening cemetery. "You became more than just a friend to Dean Winchester and we both know it." Balthazar tossed the empty bottle in front of the angel statue, letting it shattered against the cold marble. "You've been luckier than most angels, Cas." He rubbed a helpless hand through his hair, bemused. "What I would give to have what you have."

Cas clenched his teeth, humiliation welling up inside him.

Balthazar tone changed dramatically, becoming hostile as he spoke, "So don't be a bloody twat and throw it all away for a piss-ant demon and a prissy arch-angel who thinks he's God." Balthazar spat out, "That idiot, Dean, loves you- but not unconditionally, Cas. Until you realize that, you'll end up like Raphael or worse…" he trailed off, Cas dreading what Balthazar would say. Their eyes locked as he said gravely, "You'll become as dark and hard-hearted as Lucifer."

Ashamed, Cas looked away. A moment later he heard the flapping of wings as Balthazar left him.

**_TBC_**

* * *

><p><strong>**Okay this chapter was totally dedicated to Balthazar because i have an absurd fear that he's gonna die in the season finale! Ahh! It's almost as bad as Cas going bad- which is SO not allowed to happen either! I want my angels alive and well at the end of season six. Anywho- i've gotta get back to studying for my final tomorrow. After that... I'm all urs! Plz review &amp; comment as always! ;)<strong>

**~luv kidneythieves **


	7. Ch 7: Carry on My Wayward Son

**Chapter 7: Carry on My Wayward Son…**

Dean slept nearly an entire day when he arrived three days ago. He woke up feeling rested and recharged. He was thankful and relieved that not once during his time in dreamland did he get visited by a certain angel in a trench coat, real or not.

Now he sat comfortably at the kitchen table in Bobby's house, cleaning his guns. It had been nagging at him lately to do a bit of up-keep with his other babies, since the Impala had acted up. So the last thing he needed was his guns misfiring or jamming all because he hadn't been kind enough to give them a good clean. And this morning was the perfect time to get cracking at them since neither Sam nor Bobby had any demon-hunters staked in the living room.

Bobby walked into the kitchen, coffee cup in hand. "It's been three days…" He said to Sam in an edgy tone.

Sam frowned at him over the rim of his laptop. "Yeah and Pandora's Box hasn't been sprung…"

"Yet," Bobby finished gravely.

They had been going at it for the past few days now. Both afraid and worried that they wouldn't find Purgatory in time to stop Cas and Crowley. Dean had been listening to them yammer on and on for far too long.

"You two have been bickerin' like an old married couple. So unless you guys have something new to say…" he paused, making sure both men were looking at him before announcing, "then shut-up!"

Bobby rolled his eyes and went to make a fresh pot of coffee. Sam on the other hand pursed his lips indignantly, ready to counter Dean.

Dean just glared at his brother in silent menace, "I'm serious, Sammy. We're not gonna find Purgatory faster with you two bitin' at the bit."

Sam glowered and focused his gaze back on his laptop screen. Dean celebrated the small victory with a knowing smirk. Sam probably wanted to throw him out the kitchen window but Sam knew he was right. They hadn't been making fast enough progress on finding demon-hunters and staking every demon they found was just illogical, so they were back to square one and with the clock ticking.

Lately though, Dean emotions were running high. He felt like he'd been dumped by Superman and his head wasn't exactly in the hunting game at the moment. He tried not to let his feelings or emotions get the best of him, especially surrounded by his brother and Bobby most of the time. So he reigned in and pushed down his own depression and melancholy, refusing to tell them, let alone show them that with Cas gone, there was an empty hole growing wider inside of him each day without his angel. He missed him. He longed to see him one last time before they threw down, but he knew it was unlikely at this point. He stilled loved that son-of-a-bitch and it ate away at him, leaving him with that gaping hole. Damnit, he thought, why'd he have to go and fall in love with the most unattainable and emotionless asshole angel on the planet?

Dean was sleeping peacefully though, no nightmares with Cas for the past three days. He didn't know if it was a good sign or not. All he dreamt now was of monsters coming out of the darkness and pulling him into the pit. But to Dean, those weren't nightmares, they were only foreboding warnings of what was to come if they failed to stop Crowley and Cas.

Suddenly a flurry of wings sounded in the house and the coffee pot shut off, along with Sam's laptop. Bobby cursed and shook the machine, unconcerned that a possible angel, good or bad was about to make an appearance in his house. Sam however, grabbed a loaded shotgun by his feet and stood, aiming it in any direction. Dean jumped to his feet, quickly slamming his gun back together.

Cas wouldn't dare visit them in broad daylight. He'd only came to Dean in his nightmares or when he was in life-or-death trouble. Besides he was too busy smooching Crowley- he didn't need Dean anymore.

"Hello boys," Balthazar drawled out as he landed besides Bobby in the kitchen. The tall, handsome blond angel smiled lightly at them, dressed in his usual designer clothes and polished boots. Except at the moment, he looked frayed and worn-out. Dean narrowed his eyes suspiciously, gun still trained on him.

Bobby however glared at the angel besides him, "Fix my damn coffee pot or I'll beat the angel-mojo outta your cute ass."

Balthazar smirked and happily repaired the machine. It flickered back from the dead and began brewing coffee. Bobby nodded abruptly, then grabbed the loaded handgun from beneath the sink and aimed it at him.

Balthazar's smirk brimmed into a wide smile as he glanced around at all the guns now directed at him. "Aw- boys," he said nonchalantly, "I'm not here to hurt you."

"Then why the Hell are you here, Balthazar?" Dean spat out.

"I know- I know…" he began, "I'm not the angel you want, nor like." He said, eyes turning to Dean knowingly. Dean stiffened, wondering how much Balthazar knew about him and Cas.

"Or trust…" Dean bit out angrily.

Balthazar smiled thinned, "Yes, well- I suppose I'll just have to do at the moment…"

Sam stepped forward from the library, his shotgun slowly lowering. "Why aren't you with Cas? Shouldn't you be looking for the door into Monsterland with him?" he asked accusingly.

Balthazar drew back as if sucker punched, "I didn't realize you ladies thought so fondly of me." He retorted sarcastically. "I might not have come bearing gifts."

Sam hesitated, "What gifts? What are you talking about?"  
>"I have news…"<p>

Dean glowered, still really wanting to shoot the angel. "What are you- are new angel hotline?" Cas had always been their news link to Heaven and their activities. Now this arrogant bastard just assumed they would forget and forgive all the crap he pulled on them this past year and trust him. Sure, he helped Sam and Bobby out in a tight spot a few days back, but that didn't make up for all the other stuff he did to them. The nerve, he thought bitterly.

"Well, seeing as how Cas dumped you for a demon- yeah, I guess that makes me you're new BFF."

Dean saw red and launched himself towards Balthazar, pure instinct driving him forward. It didn't matter that Balthazar was more powerful and could easily squash him like a bug. Just hearing the words spoken aloud, that Cas dumped him, made his insides burn and the hole in his chest yawn open, trying to crush his spirit. Luckily, Sam intercepted him before he did something stupid. His brother shoved him backwards with a strong arm.

"Let me go," Dean growled.

Sam's eyes blazed angrily at him, "Do you really think taking on an angel right now is going to solve anything, Dean?"

Dean stilled yet shook with untapped rage.

"He risked coming to us," Sam continued, "the least we could do is give him a chance."

Dean glanced over his brother's shoulder to the angel. Balthazar looked taken aback as his blue eyes gazed at Sam in surprise.

Dean nodded and shoved Sam back, needing space. Sam was right, he thought relenting. They had to give this pompous ass a chance. It was only fair. "Fine…" his eyes locked onto Balthazar. "Start talkin'…"

Balthazar turned his soft gaze away from Sam and back to Dean, "It's about Cas…"

Dean felt his heart plummet.

"He's found Purgatory." Balthazar said gravely, "Tonight, him and Crowley plan on poppin' the lock."

Sam and Dean exchanged panic looks as Bobby pulled out a full bottle of whiskey from the cabinet behind him, with a glum expression.

"You're sayin', that tonight is it? End all?" Dean asked Balthazar.

He nodded and when he heard Bobby open the top of the whiskey bottle, turned and gestured towards it, "May I?"

Bobby cocked an eyebrow then shrugged, "Might as well. You did save my neck a few days back."

"Thanks," Balthazar said coolly as he took several long gulps. After a moment, Balthazar looked at them, his eyes then casted downwards, as if ashamed. "I tried to talk him out of it, Dean. But I obviously failed."

"I'm sure you tried you're best, Balthazar," Sam said consolingly.

Balthazar snorted harshly, "My best? Darling, you haven't seen that yet."

Sam and Balthazar exchanged curious looks but Dean ignored it as he asked, "So what? You came here to tell us you sucked-ass and we gotta find Cas and Crowley and stop them? Oh- wait… we already knew that."

Balthazar glared at him, his eyes turning icy. "Well here's what you don't know- sweetheart," he countered irritably. "I might have failed with Cas- but I doubt you will."

Dean felt a tide of emotions overwhelm him. Anger, shame, defeat, utter sadness but most of all loss. "He won't listen me."

"Yes he will."

Dean gritted his teeth, "No! I've already tried damnit."

"Then you'll simply have to try harder!"

"I have…"

"The lady doth protest too much, methinks…" Balthazar mocked unkindly.

"Go to hell, Balthazar!" Dean raged out.  
>"Oh- I'm sure I will. So don't worry about that. Once Crowley and Cas discovered I switched teams, I'm probably gonna be thrown into the fiery pit of Hell for all eternity."<p>

The room grew quiet. Bobby suddenly took another swig and handed it back to Balthazar. The angel took it gratefully and polished off the bottle. Dean felt almost sorry for the bastard. He risked a lot to help them. Except that didn't mean Dean had to like him for it.

"There's more at stake then opening Purgatory…" Balthazar said hoarsely, voice rough from the whiskey. "The moment that door opens, all you fought for, worked for- will vanish. Those monsters, ghosts, angry souls… will come spilling out. Burning and eating away at the human race until there's nothing left but blood and bones… and monsters."

"Cas won't allow that," Sam said in disbelief. "He couldn't."

Balthazar shook his head, "Cas will be too busy fighting his war in Heaven."

"No- he won't do it. He can't…" Dean breathed, though for the first time, he saw Cas as the monster and not the angel he'd come to love. If he went through with it- Cas would be a monster and Dean would have no choice to kill him for it.

"He can…" Balthazar said steadily, "and he will. Tonight."

Dean took a deep breath, unsure of what he needed to do. If what Balthazar said was true, then Cas and Crowley had to be stopped before it was too late, because the clock just struck midnight and they ran out of time.

He looked at Balthazar, wondering if he had a plan. "What do you want us to do, Balthazar?"

Balthazar smiled then, his savvy attitude suddenly returning, reminding Dean of when they first met. His cocky, reckless attitude. But maybe that's what they needed to win…

"I have a few ideas…"

**_TBC_**

* * *

><p><strong>***Ahh! I couldn't get this chapter out fast enough! I promise to finish up this story before the season finale on friday. Mostly because i'm sure a lot will happen &amp; i don't want my story to be affected by theres. confusing, i know. Anywho i hope u enjoy my version so far! comments &amp; reviews are always appreciatedloved! **

**~kidneythieves **


	8. Ch 8: There will Be Peace

**Chapter 8: There will Be Peace**

_Somewhere in the Mohave Desert…_

Crowley and Cas landed in the middle of nowhere. Desert on all sides surrounded them. Castiel glanced upwards at the fading daylight. This was it, he thought, finally they would be opening the gates into Purgatory. So how come he felt so uneasy, he wondered. Cas's cold gaze traveled to Crowley, who held the Mother-of-All-Monsters in his arms, Eve. Her lifeless corpse had been dissected and mangled by Crowley. At first, they believed her body was an empty vessel. Now, they knew her body would be the key to unlocking the gates.

Crowley tossed Eve's body ungraciously before them. "Looks like that Dante cat got it wrong, then." He said in a dark, sarcastic voice. His eyes traveled over their current landscape, "The gates to Purgatory are not in a forest but a desert. Makes sense. A lifeless place like this is better suited anyway."

"Actually Dante entered the Inferno through a forest," Cas corrected him drily.

Crowley shrugged and snapped his fingers. Eve's body burst into flames, the fire was a brilliant black before turning to a malevolent blue. "Semantics," Crowley replied.

They watched the body burn. The flames grew higher with each passing second. Cas felt the excitement and terror mingle in his brain. It had been a long time coming this moment and yet, he felt unprepared. Crowley on the other hand, appeared ecstatic with the possibilities in store for them both once all that power came spilling out, ripe for the taking. Together they would change the world. Cas stilled, beginning to feel the doubts cloud his judgment. Was he doing the right thing? He suddenly thought of Dean. He told him it was wrong- that dealing with any demon or devil always turned out bad. So why couldn't Cas stop it? Maybe the idea of finally being more powerful then Raphael was too tempting to ignore? Would vanity and pride be his downfall? Cas shuddered, feeling the overwhelming urge to turn away, to turn back…

Crowley took a thin, sharp blade to his wrist and slashed it. The demon snarled, "this spells are so crude." He commented as Cas watched as his black demon blood spill out over the flesh of his vessel. Crowley's dark gaze turned to him, "Blood of a demon to open the gates…" he said before holding his wrist over the burning corpse of Eve.

"And blood of an angel to close them," Cas breathed uneasily.

"Poetic, don't you think?" Crowley asked him, "It was as if fate knew we would be the ones to harness the power of Purgatory together, Cas."

Cas filled with fear then. What if it had been foretold? What if Cas had always meant to become this? To betray his friends and family? To trust a demon and turn his back on the man he… Dean's face filled his mind and his heart wrenched. He betrayed the Winchesters in order to fight a war. He made a deal with a devil, against Dean's wishes. Castiel burned with regret in that moment.

Eve's body began to sink into the ground as a hole began to form into a deep, dark pit. Crowley smiled maliciously, "This is it, Cas! The moment we've waited for!"  
>Cas stepped back, fear gripping him. What if this was a mistake? Suddenly he heard a flapping of wings. Cas glanced around, the night sky filled with fire, as a black cloud began forming over head. But he didn't see an angel land… he saw the hunter.<p>

Dean emerged from the darkness, holding an angel dagger in his hand. His face stoic and unreadable, his gaze locked onto Cas through the burning smoke and fire. "Stop this now, Cas!" he yelled as the pit of Purgatory gaped between them.

Cas's body tensed. Dean was there, standing before him as the gloriously lethal hunter he had been his whole life, prepared to kill him if he had to. Even though Dean was there to kill him, Cas felt himself drawn to him, to be near him, to touch him one last time before it all ended. The need burned within him.

"You have to stop this, Cas…" Dean shouted again, urgently this time. Cas felt paralyzed with indecision. Not sure if stopping the opening of Purgatory was the right or wrong answer anymore.

Crowley growled, "Why can't you just die already Winchester!" He vented angrily. Dean shot a hard and deadly look to Crowley. The demon sneered, "It doesn't matter now anyway! You're too late!" He taunted viciously.

Dean moved towards Cas then, "I'm not late! There's still time to stop this Cas!" The hunter was besides him now, his face still hard but tight with fear. Cas gazed at him, the screams of evil souls beginning to cry out from the black abyss of Purgatory. "You have to stop this… Please, Cas…" he pleaded, his eyes more vulnerable than he ever recalled seeing before. Cas wavered, unable to look away from the hunter's beautiful face. Cas saw the love in those emerald eyes. Dean stilled loved him, Cas thought in awe, even after all of this.

"I can't…" He replied, watching Dean's eyes flicker to regret in that moment.

"Then I'm sorry Cas," Dean breathed and suddenly, Cas felt a sharp pain stab into him.

Crowley's roar of anger echoed through the night sky.

He glanced down. Dean's hand gripped the handle of the blade which now was imbedded inside Cas's stomach. The pain overwhelmed him instantly and he dropped like a stone. Dean caught him and slowly lowered him to the ground, his embrace gentle and loving. Tears slid down the hunter's face, "Damnit… Cas…" he whispered hoarsely. "I didn't want to do this to you."

Cas stared up at him, the light of his angel soul beginning to shine between them. Seeing his hunter cry for him hurt more than the pain that coursed through his body. Castiel realized then that he had made a mistake. He should have listened to his heart from the beginning. Dean was his heart… Dean was his reason for being. Cas knew the truth now. Yet he feared it was too late. Dean would never know that how much he loved him.

Cas reached out and cupped a hand over his chiseled face, stroking his cheek lightly. "Yes- you did, Dean…"

Crowley's voice lashed out, "I'll kill you for this hunter! I'll rip you apart limb-for bloody-limb!"

Suddenly Crowley gasped. Cas turned his gaze to Crowley in time to see Sam Winchester grab him from behind, catching the powerful demon off guard. Confused, Crowley glanced around to Sam, before suddenly Balthazar appeared in front of him and with the blade forged to kill demon's in hand. Cas watched as Balthazar smiled cruelly before slamming the deadly blade brutally into Crowley's gut. Crowley screamed in agony as Balthazar shoved the blade further into him, twisting it violently.

Cas watched in absolute shock as Crowley's demon soul flickered inside the vessel. Cas drew back, realizing that their plan was falling apart at the seams. Except Crowley had been right, it was too late, it didn't matter if he was dead or not. The black pit of Purgatory widened even more, opening to the world. Its depth becoming immense and unfathomable.

Suddenly Crowley, with an ounce of strength left in him, bellowed a scream and pulled out the dagger and slammed it into Balthazar chest. The force of the hit sent Balthazar stumbling backwards. Crowley's demon soul suddenly flashed brightly before burning out like a candle inside his vessel.

Sam yelled out as Balthazar stood on the edge of the pit of Purgatory. Souls of monsters from the pit screamed towards the angel. Balthazar pulled the dagger from his chest and tossed it casually aside. He smirked coolly to Sam, as his foot still stood perilously close to the edge of oblivion.

"Close call, eh Sam?" He asked with a wink, when suddenly black smoke erupted into the air, shooting up all around Balthazar and with vicious tentacles, wrapped itself around him.

"NO!" Sam screamed as Balthazar sucked in one last breath before the blackness took him. The abyss screamed out suddenly, too late, realizing that it took an angel.

Cas gasped, "Balthazar…"

The pit of Purgatory suddenly slammed shut with a deafening howl of rage. The earth trembled and shook around them. Sam dropped to his knees, his hand reaching out to touch the sand where Balthazar had vanished.

"What happened?" Dean asked, shocked.

"The only way to close the gate… is with angel blood…" Cas breathed out painfully.

Dean turned to look down at him then, his soul getting brighter. "Damnit, Cas… I'm not loosing you too."

"I'm sorry, Dean…" Cas flinched, "It's better this way… I deserve to die… Balthazar's dead because of me…"

"No… you're not giving up." He gripped the blade, making Cas hiss out in pain. "I'm gonna take this out, and once I do, you're gonna reach inside me and mojo the hell up. You got that?"

"No…" Cas refused, "I could kill you, Dean."

Dean ran a gentle hand through his hair, gripping the back of his neck lightly, tears streaming down his face. "I'd rather die than live out the rest of my miserable life without you, Cas."

Cas stared at him, "And what happens if you die and I live, Dean?"

Dean smiled softly through his tears, "It's better to save an angel then a sinner, don't you think?"

"Dean, no…"

"Last chance, Cas… you're either in or out." Dean said with a finality that left Cas feeling hopeless.

"Dean…" Cas pleaded as his eyes began to water, "I can't live without you either."

Dean sighed, "Cas, you'll be fine…"

"No- I won't," he said firmly, knowing the truth in his heart that if Dean died, Cas wouldn't be able to live with himself. "I love you, Dean."

Surprise filled Dean's beautiful emerald eyes and then, unexpectedly he laughed. "You have the worst timing, Cas."

Cas suddenly felt the blade move in his gut, he took a quick breath, pain shooting through him.

"I love you too, so don't screw this up," Dean whispered before yanking the blade from his gut.

Cas's soul burst into a shinning bright light. Cas held back the urge to scream as he fisted his hand and abruptly slammed it into Dean's stomach. Dean had left him no choice but to do this. Neither of them could live if one of them died tonight. Dean gasped and fell limply on top of him, burying his face into the crook of Cas's neck as the angel reached inside him to touch his soul.

The moment Cas felt Dean's soul, it filled him instantly with a burning strength he had never felt before. Cas had touched many souls in his lifetime, but this was different. Dean's soul was strong and full of love. Cas gasped, letting it fill his entire body. Touching his soul, feeling his life made Cas wonder if this was his Heaven. The vibrancy of Dean's soul and the love engulfed Cas. It felt so welcoming and so beautiful. It reminded him of their love. How it burned deep within him now and how much he wanted to share it with his hunter. Cas knew then that being in love with Dean was his Heaven all along.

Cas pulled his hand out instantly. Dean moaned lowly as his heavy, muscled body fell limply forward. Cas caught him in his embrace now and held him, feeling powerful again. He glanced over his sleeping face and noticed that the painful intensity of his soul being drained had been too much for the hunter and he had passed out.

"Is he okay?" Sam asked from above them. Cas glanced up and noticed the unshed tears brimming in Sam's own eyes. Cas wondered if it was for his brother or for Balthazar.

"Yes, he'll be fine." Cas spoke softly, his fingers absently caressing Dean's forehead.

Sam glanced back over his shoulder, eyes fixed on the empty vast desert that once opened the gates of Purgatory. "What's gonna happen to Balthazar? Is he dead?"

Cas looked glumly over to where Balthazar had been sucked down into the abyss. He wondered if he would ever see his friend again. "I don't know, Sam."

Sam sighed, rubbing a hand over his face, wiping away the tears that now wet his face.

Cas looked up at him curiously, "You mourn for him?"

Sam turned away, unanswering.

"I'm sorry, Sam…" Cas said to him, realizing then he was the one to blame for Balthazar's death. If he had stopped when Dean had asked him to, then Balthazar would still be alive.

Suddenly Dean groaned but didn't wake. Sam's voice was cold and unfeeling as he said, "We should get back to Bobby's, he's probably worried…"

Cas nodded in understanding and teleported them to Bobby's home.

He stood in the doorway with Dean in his arms and Sam in the kitchen. Bobby leapt up from his desk in the library, cursing loudly. "Hell and damnation- you scared the crap outta me!"

Cas titled his head sideways at Bobby, studying his panicked face. "Forgive me," Cas muttered. "We didn't want you to worry."

Bobby sighed, then noticed Dean. "He okay?"

"Sleeping, he'll be fine." Cas responded, "Where should I place him?"

"He's been sleepin' in the panic room, take him there," Bobby replied and motioned to the basement. Cas nodded but before vanishing, glanced over to Sam. He stared blankly at them, his eyes as cold and dead as a ghost. Cas filled with overwhelming shame. It had been Balthazar that Sam cried for out in the desert, Cas realized then.

"Forgive me, Sam. I'll do everything in my power to get him back," Cas said sincerely.

Sam stared right through him but nodded anyway. Cas felt the need to leave him alone with his thoughts, so he vanished from the kitchen and into the panic room.

Cas carefully placed the hunter down on the cot. He took a deep breath then. It was over. Purgatory didn't open, Crowley was dead and Dean still loved him. It had overall been an unsuccessful night, yet Cas felt victorious with Dean by his side again. Cas refused to dwell on the war that raged on in Heaven and Raphael bearing down on them. Cas wasn't powerful enough to take on Raphael. And if he tried, he would fail. Raphael would win and reopen the box that contained Lucifer and the apocalypse would destroy the world.

They would figure a way to beat him though. He had the Winchesters again- he had Dean again. Tonight though, Cas promised himself, he would not think of Raphael or the war- only of Dean Winchester. And how much he truly loved him.

**_TBC_**


	9. Ch 9: No Regrets

**Chapter 9: No Regrets **

Dean never felt more drained and powerless in his life. He inhaled weakly, burying his face into his pillow. He breathed in the familiar scent and exhaled slowly. It felt like he'd just been dragged through Hell and back all over again. His body ached and his soul felt sore, if that was possible, he thought dully. He remembered when Cas had been forced to touch Bobby's soul to live and how lifeless Bobby looked afterwards. Now he could relate to the guy. He felt decades older and depleted to his very bones.

"Dean…" a husky, achingly beautiful voice said in the darkened space of the panic room. A sudden surge of relief and excitement filled him. Castiel was alive. Their stupid plan had worked after all. He almost laughed in slight hysteria because of how reckless he had been with the pit of Purgatory literally at their feet, opening up to swallow them whole, right after Balthazar got snatched. Yet, they had managed to survive, through it all. Except for Balthazar, he realized with dread. Poor bastard, he thought, he was a jackass but no one deserved to be taken like that. He refused to dwell on it though as he pushed the thoughts of the ill-fated angel down and away. Tonight, there would be no regrets and no guilt for what he planned on doing with Cas- his angel.

He rolled over onto his back and saw Cas standing above him, his face etched with concern and fear. "Are you all right?" He asked, bending low to inspect him.

Dean pushed his fingers into his eyes, "Yeah… I think so."

"You passed out after I touched your soul," the angel explained.

"I figured," Dean breathed out.

"I'm sorry…" Cas suddenly said in a sad, distant voice. "This is my fault. I should've listened to you… I should've stopped."

Alarmed, Dean sat up, ignoring the dizziness that fogged his brain at the motion. "Hey- where's this coming from? We already went through this."

Cas looked away, ashamed. "Balthazar's death is on me now, Dean."

Dean reeled, "No- that's not true, Cas. All of us made our choices last night, Balthazar wanted to help- he knew the risks."

"You don't understand. I could've given my blood to stop the gates from opening. But I was… scared."

"Stop…" Dean pushed his hand through Cas's thick brown hair, before moving downward to grip the back of his neck and rub the tense muscles there. "You didn't know that would happen…"

Cas sighed, "I still failed my friend."

"If you give up on him, then yeah- you failed him." He glared into those bright blue eyes, "We don't know if he's alive or dead- the least you could do is find out- make sure that arrogant prick is alive and kicking. Then we'll figure out a way to get him outta that pit, together." He promised reassuringly.

A small glimmer of relief and hope flickered over the angel's handsome face. Cas nodded, touching the hand that gripped him around the neck, fingers brushing over the calloused tips of his hunter. "Thank you," he replied gruffly, his blue eyes shining up at him.

Dean said nothing, he couldn't. His brain had shut off from the look Cas gave him. Just one look and it was over. Dean felt the rush of memories from their first night together. How perfect it nearly was. Yet it couldn't be when there had been conflict between them. But it was over now. They no longer fought on difference sides, or each other. They were back on the same team, a family again- except this time, their relationship had changed. Cas meant more to him than a ally or friend, he was his lover and more importantly, the love of his life. Dean felt the all too familiar tingling beginning to stir inside him. Some called it butterflies or excitement. To Dean, it felt like love.

Now, he knew he would finally get what he had always wanted from the angel- his love.

Dean bent forward, his face inches away and his lips a breath apart from the angel. Cas shuddered a breath before Dean felt his restraint break to pieces. His lips slammed ferociously against his, needing him so badly, that nothing could hold him back now. Finally! He would share his love with Cas and know it would be returned!

Cas grunted in surprise and only hesitated for a split second before parting his lips and letting Dean sink into the warmth and flavor of his mouth. Both men groaned at the heat. He swept his tongue impatiently into his, devouring his essence. He felt Cas's hands reaching out to touch his body, just as eager as his tongue as they frantically pulled at his clothes. Dean felt his arousal tighten when Cas pulled at his belt buckle, trying to undo it but still kissing the hell outta him. Dean chuckled bitterly, loving the friction Cas was unintentionally bringing to him.

He pulled back, uncertain. "What are you laughing at?"

Wordlessly, his gaze locked to the angel as he unbuckled his own belt and slid out of his pants. Cas watched him, his eyes growing heavy with the same desire in which Dean had growing considerably between his thighs. He stripped off his shirt and slowly laid down on the bed, completely naked and utterly vulnerable to his lover. He saw the jaw flex in Cas's mouth, as though he were quietly restraining himself from jumping his bones right there, which Dean secretly hoped he would. He would love to see Cas lose control, just like he did whenever the angel was around.

With confident hands, Cas began undressing himself, his cold, hard gaze never wavering from Dean's. His arousal hardened instantly. He liked it when Cas was sure of himself, it was sexy. Cas noted his thickening cock and a flash of a smirk on his lips. Moments later Cas was naked, his naturally lean body revealed, sensual and arousing.

His beautiful cock was erect and ready for the taking. Cas moved on top of him, the bed creaking beneath them from the motion. When Cas looked down on him, Dean slid a sneaky hand up his backside and cupped his ass fondly. Cas leaned forward and captured his lips. This kiss was not as frantic, it was slow and steamy, building the tension until it smoldered.

Helpless against the onslaught, Dean felt his body move, unable to resist the need for more. His back arched upwards, their stiff cocks brushing, driving him crazy with lust. Using the hand that had been cupping his ass, Dean slammed him down, and then jerked against him. Cas gasped, his hand clutching his shoulder, their lips inches apart as they let their arousals take over. Dean took control by holding Cas's ass cheeks firmly and leading him up and over his cock, until the angel began to buck wildly on top of him, no longer able to stand the heat. Dean felt the wetness of his precum and the trembling angel in his embrace.

He grabbed the back of Cas's neck and brought him in for another kiss, distracting him with his lips and tongue. Cas whimpered. Dean sat up then, wrapping Cas's legs around him, and his cock between the threshold of his backside. They sat together, wrapped in each other's arms.

Cas moaned, his hips jerking at the sensation, his cock already wet at the tip with cum. Dean flicked his fingers over him, making him cry out and aggressively hump him. The muscles in his legs tense and his mouth open slightly with absolute craving. Dean's cock suddenly became unimaginably hard at the sight of Cas so close to ecstasy.

He did it again, this time pressing viciously into the slit of his cock with the pad of his thumb. Cas gasped for air desperately, his fingers digging painfully into his shoulders. "Dean…" he groaned out, his cock swelling near to bursting.

Dean blindingly reached for the lube by the nightstand and in seconds was ready to enter his angel. Cas hummed in need as Dean dipped his fingers into him, widening him, arousing him. Once Cas began panting with desire and his eyes fogged over, Dean knew he was ready. With one hard stroke, Dean entered him. They gasped and began moving instantly. Neither of them wanted it to end and both of them couldn't stop. Cas bucked on top of him, riding him like a cowboy. Dean panted heavily, the feel of Cas's heat pushing him further and further to the edge. It felt so perfect! Hearing the choppy breaths, feeling the hot flesh pressed against him and the excitement peeking, all reminded him of Heaven. The angel in his embrace was his Heaven. The tension gripped him now, tightening around his balls and making the tip of his cock tingle. He grabbed Cas's manhood and palmed him, pulling and tugging him. They both gasped and with one final thrust, Dean came, shattering all thought and perception. Cas erupted gloriously, his face held in pure rapture.

They fell to the bed, spent and thoroughly exhausted, Dean more so. He just had his soul touched and then it shattered with a mind-blowing orgasm, so he had every right to revel in his fatigue. Cas sighed happily and laid on top of him, his head over Dean's heart. Dean caressed his hair.

After a few minutes Cas glanced up at him, seeing the obvious depletion in his face. "Are you all right, Dean?"

Even though he felt like an old man, seeing the glow and happiness in Cas's face, brought him back to earth. "Yeah, babe. I'm fine. Just a bit worn out."

Cas nodded in understanding, "We should have waited until you were well enough."

"Trust me- I'm plenty well," he teased then with sincerity said, "we've waited long enough all ready, Cas."

He rubbed his cheek into his palm, "I agree. But…"

"No regrets," Dean said firmly.

Cas stilled, then whispered with his rough voice, "I love you, Dean…"

Dean felt his heart skip a beat in utter joy. He saw the truth in those dazzling baby blues. He smiled lazily and kissed his forehead, "I love you too, angel."

**_The End_**

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><p><strong>**Here's a sneak peek at my continuation of the Sam &amp; Balthazar story that was hinted at in "Edge of Oblivion". It will be listed under the SamBalthazar category and titled "_Delirious with Desire_". I'm paying homage to a great character that the Supernatural writer's axed off at the end of the season finale. I fell in love with the quick-witted, cocky angel Balthazar & dedicated my next slash story to him! I hope you enjoyed my Destial story- plz review & comment! Thanks as always!****

**~kidneythieves **

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><p><em><strong>Delirious with Desire<strong>_

A frown creased Sam's forehead as he glared down at the useless laptop. Nothing news worthy- no supernatural occurrences or murders, he thought bitterly. There had been no new information on Purgatory, not from casework, books or Cas and his Heavenly influences. Nothing that could lead Sam to believe that somewhere, in that black abyss of monsters and death, was an angel.

He sighed, rubbing a tired hand over his face. It had been a week and he hadn't gotten any further on finding Balthazar. What if he really was dead? Then all this work and time, was a waste. Except Sam knew that wasn't true. He felt it in his heart that his friend was still alive. He also knew that Balthazar was a helluva lot stronger than any black pit could kill or destroy. He just hoped that when he finally did find the angel, he would be alive. And not a mangled shell of a vessel.

Dean asked about his need to find Balthazar. But Sam really couldn't explain it. He had asked himself countless times over the past week about his obsession on finding Balthazar. And to be honest, he wasn't sure. Only that he liked that egotistical angel and seeing him being taken by the black smoke, made him realize that it mattered to Sam what happened to him.

So without wasting another minute, Sam got to work. Doing what he did best, besides hunting, researching.

Suddenly his cell phone rang on the table. Sam glanced down at the number, it was unlisted. He answered it, "Hello?"

"Mr. Winchester?" asked a firm male voice over the phone.

"Yeah," he replied cautiously, alarmed that this mysterious caller knew his real name. The only people who knew that were his family, or fellow hunters- oh and the occasional demon.

"I'm calling from Mercy General in Quebec…"

Sam's frown deepened, "Quebec, Canada?"

"Yes," the male voice said. "I'm Dr. Richard Fick. I'm calling in regards to a patient here who claims you're family."

Family? What the hell, Sam thought confused. His only family was right here in this house. He didn't know anyone from Canada.

"He has no passport, ID, wallet… the police found him down by Saint Lawrence." The doctor explained, "He's suffered a pretty bad head injury and has been banged up quite a bit. He was also is slightly delusional. However he did say he had family in the states and that you, Sam Winchester, would come for him."

"What's his name?"

The doctor sighed heavily over the phone then finally answered, "He says his name is Balthazar."


End file.
